It’s ok to yell…(Boy version)

It’s ok to yell…(Boy version)

There is no scientific evidence that the “no-yelling” parenting and always catering to your child’s “feelings” work best.

There I said it.

You can challenge that statement if you get your talking points for the “no-yelling” strategy with your kids from all the Instagram psychologists leading the no-yelling charge.

Before we can debate this, we should define “yelling.”

Repeatedly berating your child or losing control of your own emotions is very different from raising your voice to stop your child and interrupt the pattern.

Moms tend to struggle more with the tugger war emotions of validating feelings versus discipline more than anyone.

It’s the God-given nurturing qualities in you that tug your heartstrings.

…And many moms feel guilt and shame if they yell at their sons.

Probably because the Instagram psychologists have spoken and claimed it can create unresolved trauma in their child (haachoo-bullshit)

As a father, I love my son so much that sometimes I cry when nobody is watching…

However, teaching him discipline and being respectful are such priorities for me.

And when he throws a match-box car across the room and hits Mommy’s face…

That’s no time for me to let him know what he’s feeling is ok.

Some patterns need to be interrupted with calm under-control thunder.

A few important things to consider here…

1. I’m under control. He sees I’m mad but never without control of my emotions.

2. I don’t yell at him frequently.  So when he hears it, he knows I mean business.

3. After he feels the consequences a little and gives them some time to settle in, that’s when I get on his level and explain why it’s not okay.

4. ALWAYS finish with a praise, hug, and kiss. Tell him I love him.

In all transparency, I’m about to be a little girl dad, and I have no idea what will work for me to guide her yet.

I most likely will parent my daughter differently.

After all, girls and boys are inherently different.

Yes, boys can be sensitive and have big feelings, but they also need firm guidance once in a while.

In fact, they can thrive with the right balance of firmness, love, and affection. (Even a loud booming voice once in a while)

Yes! Boys need loving affection from their dads. A lot more than firmness.

Also, moms can take a page from the Dad playbook.

Setting boundaries with your sons and showing them you mean business.

The love and affection from a mom is usually a given.

But it’s time to remove the shame and guilt if every now and then you gotta let your voice run free and loud!

Disclaimer: I grew up in Staten Island, NY, around loud Italians…So yelling was a natural form of communication.😂

Sure, kids are expressing their feelings, but you don’t have to help them figure out their emotions in every situation.

It’s important to stay calm when you’re about to yell.

Stay calm and yell?? (Yes, it’s a tactic)

In the long run, boys will respect their mom and dad if they know where you stand…

have a slight hesitation from wanting to see you get pissed off… 

And know they are loved and understood at the same time.

One time when I was younger, I had a football coach who totally threw me for a loop. 

This guy gave it to me good.

He pushed me. He showed me he was no-nonsense, at times, he even came across as having a few screws loose and coached the heck out of me.

At first, I was taken back a little and took it personally.

But before this style of coaching sent me packing my bags…

He shifted his whole demeanor to me, put his arms around me, and said, “Greg, you’re one of the best players I’ve coached.”

“You’re my guy.” “Keep doing what you’re doing.”

All the yelling and riding me immediately didn’t matter to me.

From that moment forward, when this coach yelled at me or pushed us to work harder…

I knew it came from a place of love, respect, and wanting the best for me.

There was no emotional trauma. Just respect.

It would not have been the same relationship if he had just praised me from the beginning without first letting me know where he stands.

Your little boys will always know they are loved, heard, and understood when you show them that 98% of the time.

They will also respect you more when they can contrast that when you set firm boundaries and principles with a sometimes loud, expressive voice.

Daughters?

…since this post was a bit longer and without my full perspective on being a girl dad yet…

I’d love to get your feedback not only on this post but also on what your best advice is on raising daughters and disciplining them.

Would love to hear from ya.

In your corner,

Greg